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What’s Keeping You Stuck in Your Dung Pile?

August 23, 2016 By Ira Chaleff

by Marsha Hughes-Rease

I love the Buddhist stories because there always seems to be a truth that I can relate to. I recently found this wonderful little story about two monks who lived together in a monastery for many years; they were great friends. They died within a few months of one another. One of them was reborn in the heaven realms and the other monk was reborn as a worm in a dung pile. The one up in the heaven realms was having a wonderful time, enjoying all the heavenly pleasures. But he started thinking about his friend: “I wonder where my old mate has gone?” So, he scanned all of the heaven realms but could not find a trace of his friend.

Then he scanned the realm of human beings but could not see any trace of his friend there, so he looked in the realm of animals and then of insects. Finally he found him, reborn as a worm in a dung pile… Wow! He thought: “I am going to help my friend. I am going to go down there to that dung pile and take him up to the heavenly realm so he too can enjoy the heavenly pleasures and bliss of living in these wonderful realms.”

So he went down to the dung pile and called his mate. And the little worm wriggled out and said: “Who are you?” “I am your friend. We used to be monks together in a past life, and I have come up to take you to the heaven realms where life is wonderful and blissful.” But the worm said: “Go away, get lost!” “But I am your friend, and I live in the heaven realms,” and he described the heaven realms to the worm. But the worm said: “No thank you, I am quite happy here in my dung pile. Please go away.” Then the heavenly being thought: “Well if I could only just grab hold of him and take him up to the heaven realms, he could see for himself.” So he grabbed hold of the worm and started tugging at him; and the harder he tugged, the harder that worm clung to his pile of dung.

This story very poignantly reminded me that all of us can fall victim to being comfortable in our own “dung pile.” And not only are we comfortable… we actually resist or reject the notion that we might be happier if we left the pile. The worm actually believed he was happy in the dung. As humans, our dung pile can be our beliefs.

Research has shown that 90 percent of one’s belief system is formed by age 12 and it undergoes a “final lock” at age 20. I would imagine you can add or subtract a couple of years on either side of this belief continuum formation but the point is, most of us have an intact belief system by the time we reach adulthood. These beliefs are the result of our unique experiences during the first twenty or so years of our life along with how we have been socialized based on our family of origin, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc. Our belief system then results in unconscious but predictable adult behavior patterns which usually have been reinforced by what we rewarded or punished for.

These well entrenched beliefs are changed only by some significant personal life event such as death of a loved one, birth of a child, marriage, loss of a job, not getting a promotion, or a not so personal events such as 9/11, the civil rights movement, or the 2008 recession or maybe we have a sudden realization (usually with the help of significant feedback) that some of our behaviors resulting from our belief system are actually self-defeating or have a negative impact on others.

Certain types of stressors or maybe a friend or coach can certainly help motivate us to change. However, we often rush to change without examining our current beliefs or assumptions that may be actually competing with our desire to change….competing to the point that we are more committed to staying in the dung pile then actually changing….even good change! We may need to stop and examine how our beliefs or assumptions are keeping us stuck in our dung pile before trying to make a change. This is not easy especially if these competing commitments are usually unconscious.

What have you done lately to surface and examine how your competing commitments are keeping you stuck in a dung pile?

Filed Under: Articles, Marsha Hughes-Rease, Personal Growth

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Marsha Hughes-Rease - Senior Associate

After fifteen years of coaching and consulting experience and over twenty five years of leadership experience at different organizational levels, Marsha Hughes-Rease partners with senior leaders and managers to address what she calls “swamp issues”, those really messy and complex challenges that can greatly diminish productivity, stakeholder satisfaction, financial performance and personal effectiveness in any organization.

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Ira Chaleff - President

Ira Chaleff is the founder and president of Executive Coaching & Consulting Associates. He has been named one of the top 100 leadership thinkers by Executive Excellence Magazine. He practices the high-stakes art of helping talented people prepare for and succeed in senior level roles. Whether working in the public sector with Senior Executive Service leaders or in the private sector with CEOs and leadership teams, he brings clarity to core success issues, and provides savvy and supportive guidance in tackling them.

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Beverly Jones - Senior Associate

Beverly Jones helps executives bring new productivity to their organizations, and works with professionals to restructure and re-energize their work lives. Throughout her varied career, Bev has engaged in leadership and change management activities, and today she coaches accomplished professionals and executives who want to become more effective. Bev’s current and recent coaching clients include attorneys, other professionals and small business owners, and also executives with university systems, with a national laboratory, and with a major brokerage firm.

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Mandeep Singh - Senior Associate

Mandeep partners with leaders who want to bring their own vision and passions into service for the world. This necessarily means deep inner work – increasing self-awareness and personal mastery, taking ownership and accountability, and expanding the ability to influence people and networks from within the system. While this may sound like hard work, in practice it tends to be completely natural, energizing, satisfying and fun. “Serious” and “impactful” are not correlated. Mandeep’s natural style is gentle, and his clients and he tend to forge long term, easy, trusted partnerships.

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Rosa Maria Barreiro - Strategic Management & Human Resources Consultant

Rosa María Barreiro is an innovative leader, business strategist and change agent with an extensive background and success in global operating environments throughout the USA and Europe, Latin America and the Caribbean. Rosa María has repeatedly been recruited to design and execute change management, employee engagement, leadership development and performance improvement initiatives for a wide variety of organizations and companies.

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Kari Uman - Senior Associate

Kari Uman, Senior Associate of Executive Coaching & Consulting Associates in Fairfax, VA, has more than twenty-five years’ experience as a coach, consultant, and trainer. Her particular experience and interest in gender issues, and their impact on relationships and performance, enables her to help individuals change behaviors that are undermining their best efforts.

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David Grau - Senior Associate

David Grau is an executive and leadership coach in Bethesda, MD, with an in-depth consulting background in organization development and change management. He has over 17 years of coaching and consulting experience in the corporate, government, and non-profit sectors. He has particular abilities in assisting executives in identifying and making maximum and appropriate use of their strengths and identifying their opportunities for increased effectiveness as a leader.

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Emily Barnes - Senior Associate

To organizations and individuals adjusting to recent, current or anticipated change, Emily Barnes brings the strategic focus and competencies gained during fifteen years of diverse experience with various leadership, relationship, performance and communication challenges. A consultant and strategy coach, Ms. Barnes helps clients create and implement new success strategies.

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